


watch me break (just another soul to take)

by breakthesewallsdown



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV), wayhaught - Fandom
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, I'm Sorry, That's it, i just want to give them a cuddle, it's just sad, it's sad, mention of the earp sisters, mention of wayhaught
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16125587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakthesewallsdown/pseuds/breakthesewallsdown
Summary: Wynonna doesn’t know how to feel. Because it’s been over a month and she is still so angry. With the world, with Waverly, with Julian, but especially with herself. And the worst part is that she’s taking it out on the person closest to her: Nicole.orThe aftermath of Waverly sacrificing herself.





	watch me break (just another soul to take)

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: it is sad and does not have a happy ending. it does have an open ending.
> 
> This is un-edited and un-beta'd because I just felt like getting this out since I'm very emotional and very stressed about tonight's finale. even though I do have faith that, no matter what happens, we will get our Waverly back. one way or another. 
> 
> • titel from Tell That Devil by Jill Andrews (aka the soundtrack, yes)

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. 

Mama Earp was supposed to be there, with Julian, and they were supposed to save her. He was supposed to take her place, was supposed to stop her from sacrificing herself. She wasn’t supposed to be the one sacrificing herself, she wasn’t supposed to be the one to make up for his mistakes. 

_He_ was. 

He should’ve been there on time and he should’ve saved her. But Wynonna should’ve known better. She should’ve known he wouldn’t pull through and she should’ve known that he didn’t care about her enough to do a thing like that. Because, who walks away from an angel like Waverly? 

A literal angel. Waverly. 

For a second she forgets about the fact that she did, all those years ago. But she will never forget how much she regrets it, how much it still pains her to think about how much she’s hurt her little baby sister. She can’t imagine him not feeling something like this, too? How can he be so heartless about his own daughter? Never once looking back, never once checking up on her? 

Wynonna is angry. 

Of course she is. She’s lost her baby sister and she couldn’t save her, no matter how hard she tried or what she tried to do. Nothing was good enough, nothing could change Waverly’s mind. Not even Nicole. Brave, scared Nicole, who just wanted to grow old with Waverly. 

Wynonna knows that, she’s always known that. From the moment she sat on the precinct’s floor, drinking, and Nicole had told her that she had a top shelf ass. It was crystal clear to her how much Nicole cared about her sister, even then. And now, after everything they’ve been through together, it broke Wynonna’s heart to see her like this. 

So lost, so broken. So lonely. 

They try to be there for each other. Of course they do. They’re all they have left, really. Doc disappeared. Dolls is dead. Jeremy is still here, but he doesn’t dare show himself. Of course he’s mourning, too. So is Mercedes. They all are. 

But Nicole and Wynonna both know that Waverly would want them to take care of each other. She’d want for Wynonna to be the big sister Nicole never had and she’d want for Nicole to keep Wynonna in check. And they try, they really do. Nicole sleeps at the homestead almost every night, even though it hurts her heart to be there. She can’t sleep in Waverly’s room – _their room_ – so she either sleeps on the uncomfortable couch or in a sleeping bag in Wynonna’s room. 

Sometimes Wynonna sleeps at Nicole’s place. 

Sometimes she sleeps in a cell. When she’s had too much to drink and Nicole wasn’t there to take her home safely. 

They don’t talk. Or, they do. Just not about Waverly. Never about Waverly. Whenever they even touch the subject lightly, one of them flees the room. It’s always like that. It’s not because they don’t want to, it’s simply because they can’t. It hurts too much to even think about, let alone say the words out loud. 

So they try to go on with their lives, even though there is a Waverly-shaped hole in both their chests and their lives and they don’t know how to fill it—don’t know if they can. 

And it’s messy. 

Because whenever Wynonna looks at Nicole, she can hear Waverly’s voice and she can remember how Waverly used to talk about Nicole. How her eyes used to light up whenever she mentioned her name and how her smile widened just a tad. Wynonna remembers the first time Waverly told her she loved Nicole, back at the precinct. It surprised Wynonna, for a bit, because she’s never heard Waverly talk about someone like that. Not even Champ. So from the start she knew that Nicole was important to her. 

The way Waverly talked about her will always warm Wynonna’s heart. The way she used to talk about their future. Wynonna isn’t sure she ever actually said all of that to Nicole, but it made her feel special that her baby sister deemed it (and her) important enough to tell her. 

She will never forget the first time Waverly mentioned marriage and Nicole in the same sentence. They were sitting on the couch at the Homestead, drinking tea, and Waverly was just talking about this thing Nicole had done for her. Waverly just seemed so happy. She seemed so carefree and in love and relaxed. And then she’d said it. 

_“I can’t wait to marry her, ‘Nonna,”_

Wynonna wasn’t sure she’d heard it correctly, but by the blush on her sister’s cheeks she knew she had. And for the rest of the evening they had talked about what Waverly would want their wedding to look like.

She had said:

_“I’d wear a dress. Definitely. You’d help me pick it, right? Right. Of course you will. And Nicole would probably wear a suit, I think? I don’t think she’d wear a dress for a wedding. I’m not sure. And it would be here, in the homestead. The barn, maybe, after we clean it up. We’d all have dinner, here, in the Homestead. Curtis would be here, of course. Alice would be the flower girl. You’d be my bridesmaid. It’d be perfect.”_

Just at the thought of it Wynonna feels her eyes tear up. She takes another sip of her drink, the liquor burning down her throat. Especially right now she wishes this wedding was actually happening, even if it was just to get her sister back. 

Wynonna doesn’t know how to feel. Because it’s been over a month and she is still so angry. With the world, with Waverly, with Julian, but especially with herself. And the worst part is that she’s taking it out on the person closest to her: Nicole. 

She lashes out at her, yells at her. Locks her out of the Homestead sometimes. On really bad nights. 

She knows it’s not easy for Nicole either. She does. Because Nicole lost the love of her life, she lost her soulmate. She knows Nicole feels her pain, quite literally. But she can’t help the fact that she needs someone to lash out on. And Nicole is always there, she’s always around. 

Nicole who’s always trying to be there for Wynonna, even though her own heart has been ripped to shreds. Nicole, who tries to keep her own feelings hidden away so she can be there for the person she sees as her sister. Nicole, who gets up in the middle of the night to go pick up Wynonna from wherever she decided to go and get drunk, just to bring her home and get her into bed. Only for it to happen again the day after. And the day after that. And after that. 

Nicole, who can’t look at Wynonna without seeing Waverly. Because, yes, maybe they’re only half-sisters, but there’s more Earp in Waverly than anything else. It’s in the way Wynonna rolls her eyes whenever Nicole says something stupid. She sees Waverly in the way Wynonna crosses her arms when she’s annoyed, when she’s trying to emotionally protect herself. She sees Waverly whenever Wynonna smiles and her eyes crinkle just a little bit—even though that doesn’t happen a lot anymore. Not recently. 

She can even hear Waverly. Whenever Wynonna calls her name, or whenever Wynonna says _bollocks_. Nicole’s not even sure when Wynonna started to use British slang. 

It just hurts to look at Wynonna, so she really barely ever does. Whenever they talk Nicole keeps her gaze firmly fixed somewhere else, and if Wynonna notices she doesn’t say anything. 

It’s how they work. It’s how they make things work. 

But it’s hard. Because Waverly’s statue is just outside the Homestead and whenever Nicole comes over she’s forced to look at it. She stands there for fifteen minutes, looking at her girlfriend, trying not to cry. She gives up trying after five minutes, letting her tears roam freely down her cheeks. She knows Waverly can’t hear her. But she talks to her anyway. 

_“I miss you, baby. I miss you so much. So does Wynonna. I don’t know how to be there for her, it’s like she won’t let me. I’m trying, baby. I promise. I won’t let you down. I’ll take care of her and I’ll be there for her. It’s just hard when there’s no one there for me in return. I know she’s trying, but she can’t. Because she’s too hurt. But so am I. I just don’t want her to lose herself after she lost you. I miss you.”_

She talks to her often. Too often, maybe. She doesn’t think Wynonna ever does. Because Wynonna doesn’t really talk to anybody. Not even to Nicole. Especially not to Nicole. 

The last few days – weeks – Wynonna has been shutting herself off in her room, with the door locked. Sometimes she comes out to grab a laptop, sometimes she's out, for hours, not telling Nicole where she went or what she's doing. When Nicole asks she gets a grunt or a glare. Never anything she can work with. But she never comes home drunk on those days. So she wonders.

Just like today, when Nicole arrives at the Homestead, Wynonna is nowhere to be seen. It makes Nicole sad in a way, because today’s a really hard day and she would’ve liked for Wynonna to be here. Even if it was just to sit in silence. She could use the company. But Wynonna isn’t there. Nicole starts to wonder if she ever was. 

So naturally her thoughts wander again. To Waverly, because she’s not able to think about anything else. Ever. Whenever Nicole glances around the Homestead, she sees Waverly in everything. The candles on the coffee table. The coffee cups on the counter in the kitchen. The vegan food in the pantry and the fridge. The fluffy blanket on the arm of the couch. 

She’s everywhere. Yet she’s not where Nicole needs her to be. She’s not _here_. 

And it hurts. So much. Because Nicole loved her. Loves her. So much. And she always will. And she knows she should be looking for ways to bring her back, because they live in Purgatory and they’ve been through enough already to have the faith that they _can_ bring her back. 

But Nicole can’t bring herself to do it. Not yet. The weight of losing Waverly is still too much. It’s pressing down on her chest and she can’t breathe, she can’t think she can’t do anything. All she can do is go to work, go home, think and then try and sleep. Only to do it all over again the next day. It’s exhausting and too much and Nicole wishes she could make it all stop. But she can’t. 

Her days end the same, ever single day. 

She cries. Because she doesn’t know what else to do. She didn’t even know what Waverly had to do until the last moments, until it was almost too late. And then she wasted their last moments by getting angry, by asking her why she didn’t tell her, instead of holding her and kissing her and telling her she loved her one last time. 

Waverly did. 

Waverly told her that she loved her. For the first and the last time. And it broke Nicole’s heart, because it was the most beautiful sound she’s ever heard. She just wishes she could hear it again. And again. And again. But all she has left is the memory. 

She wipes her eyes at the thought, tears rolling down her cheeks as she sits on the couch, her legs tucked underneath her as she holds Waverly’s blanket in her lap. She misses her. Hell, she misses Wynonna. She just really wants—

The door bursts open. 

Wynonna. Crying. 

It’s the first time Nicole sees her show any other emotion than anger or numbness. It shakes her. They look at each other, eyes wet, cheeks puffy. Wynonna is holding a piece of paper, crumbled up in her fist. She’s shaking. Then she speaks and Nicole feels like she can breathe again.

“We’re gonna get her back, Haught,”


End file.
